Good day everyone,
I have been going through alot in the past months it has to do with relationship and emotions.
I do talk a lot about my relationship here and I believe most of us know about us.
Ok.. it happened that we had issues when we were serving. It started in September when my gf noticed another girl was checking up on me too much and she started suspecting me.
That period I was honest with her and didn’t want anything to do with the girl..
I told her exactly everything that was going on that the girl has been disturbing me and that was the truth.
I tried everything to make her stop I even opened up to tell her I have a gf already.
I went as far as giving my gf the phone to reply her or answer her on phone but she didn’t.
My gf was serving in Osun state and I was in Ondo. Very close that she comes every weekend.
I tried all I could to resist the girl but I failed🤦🏽♂🤦🏽♂
because I really loved the gal I was dating.
I failed and was lost. From October to December I didn’t give her the attention needed.
I was Carried away and she knew I was. But I was still trying to do the little things I could for her cos I was her everything she placed all her priorities on me.
She cried a River this period and I never saw it. I thought was just being too possessive and insecure..
Though she had every reason to believe that i was having affair with other babes but no proof.
In Ondo where I served, she became part of my family there.
Right from my family house to my PPA, she was known by all.
The gal behind all this knew very well my gf was there and she had a bf too. I advised her not to do something that will make her breakup with her bf indirectly I was trying to tell her I don’t want issues with my gf. But she never mind.
We became very close and started going out together. She was comfortable that I have a gf and was still going out with me. Wen my gf calls she won’t feel bad about it at first I didn’t know she was jealous.
She began to open up to me that she loves me and I have not seen her efforts like a lady that she could abandoned her pride and tell me. Mine was that my gf is there.
December 2017 was her POP cause she was 2016batch and I 2017.
She left and I saw her off at the park.
All I did, there was honestly no emotions.
I was thanking God that I can concentrate with my gf now.
On her way she sent me a message.
I exhaled and thought everything was ok now.
I started trying to make up with my gf gradually things started going well but she wouldn’t give me that face she used to give me.
I just understood that we are trying to settle and was ok with it.
Early January, my gf was to travel to Lagos and my phone was bad.
I went to Osogbo to give her my phone to fix for me in Lagos.I spent the weekend there as usual.
Monday morning, the shock of my relationship life. I got a call and she was crying I was scared cause I didn’t know what the problem was.
She told me so this is how far you went. She sent me the message the other girl sent to me wen she was leaving Ondo. I was shocked and denied it.
Issues persisted from January my gf never visited me again till I left Ondo.
To make peace and be honest with her, I told her everything in February.
Our relationship got worst. We stopped talking and showing that real concern till April.
All this while I have begged her and have done everything I was sorry for everything and involved all my friends in talking to her. In April i traveled to Osogbo to see her she didn’t come out to see me I went back to Ondo.
She even went as far as calling police for me.
Honestly, I was sorry I told her the truth cause I loved her and we had built so much together already I tried everything to let her see but she was too hard.
January to April is quite a long time for someone to hold onto something against someone you once loved.
After service she started calling to show interest again.
After service, I came to Abuja, one day she called and told me we should start over again.
I was angry already with her for treating me the way she did.
I told her I don’t understand just like that? That we need to talk about so many things I asked her why she treated me that way, what was her plans, and why is she coming back now. She couldn’t answer she only shied away from the questions. That period she will call me early in the morning and late at night.
I told her I was not comfortable with the calls cause my heart was really broken.
Ok.. I accepted despite everything.
I loved her was ready to let go and continue.
My problem now is that she lies more than Satan.
She gives 5 stories about one event
She doesn’t like me questioning anything about her, she is now someone else entirely all I get is lies and I believe she is just up for a game.
I am not ready to play games with her. I have been talking to her with an open heart since June but she is still yet to free herself from bondage. She has become a bone in my neck and is causing me so much pains. I want to move on and each time she will appear like a spirit sent from my village to ruin me. She is running me down in every aspect of life. She is not adding to me and I know it yet I can’t get over her. How do I handle this?
To have loved and lost is never the end of life.
It’s true you misbehaved and disrespected her love for you once, you betrayed her trust (whether intentional or otherwise). It’s also true that you love her enough to have apologized and seek for another chance with her over and over again.
There is also no justification to continue to pay for the mistakes of the past over and over again.
I have always believed that forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. But when we truly forgive, it changes how we remember the past.
It is true that the lady in question still holds some grudges against you esp as you mentioned that she continually ruins you (same person who was once your pillar of support and encouragement).
Now, 2 tinz I personally detest in a relationship is lying and disrespect, hence try to avoid doing that.
A relationship built on lies will never stand no matter how much you try to patch it up.
Accept that a broken relationship is better than a failed marriage.
Genuine Love can never be forced as it’s easy flowing.
A scorned woman’s fury has no rival.
Your lady is scorned and may be out for revenge esp after the pains you caused her.
My advice, have a matured conversation and sit-down with her and ask direct simple yes/no questions.
Do you still love me?
Are we heading anywhere with this relationship?
Have you sincerely forgiven me for my actions/inactions in the past?
Do you have other love interests and am just one of them?
Can you trust me again?
I believe you will know whether or not the answers she gives are sincere.
While exiting the relationship is an option esp as you need to expand your coast and not be ruined, there should still be one final chance for dialogue and understanding.
Hope I have helped in some way bro…(Guy 1)
Like my friend said my dear , you wouldn’t like what or whom you would become in 2yrs… Pls have a conversation with her.
We make mistakes to learn. Don’t dwell on it.
And also, pple don’t change like that, the things are usually activated.
Trust is very important in every relationship… I don’t know if the connection with the other lady was sexual. If it was, she has the right to be furious. If it’s not, then there might be more to this story depends on her level of trust for you during the relationship.
I feel that you are no more on same level with her. Zero ur mind to friendship at the moment and try to know her afresh.
If it ‘ll cause you your peace of mind, sanity and yourSelf, break out before it breaks you.
Guy2: Bro so many waters crossed the river, life has to go on but it is easier to tame a Lion than a woman’s fury,sit with her if your mind is still in a relationship with her but ask her the necessary questions…..stay strong and be careful
Dialogue is the key… My $1.
Guy 3: Be strong Brother. It takes more than love to make a relationship work. Ending a relationship such as yours abruptly often comes back to hurt you.
I am not one that likes involving third party but at this point, I will suggest you get a mutual friend who can look at things clearly and knows more than what you have told us to advise you both informally of course.
Forgive me, I think it’s hasty to pass judgement on her based on your perspective alone.
Wishing you all the best. Remain Strong!
Babe 2: Not exactly !
It didn’t work for me !
I thought I was dying 🤣
Depression! Insomnia, I couldn’t sleep without drugs! Even upon taking drugs all I could manage was 2 hrs sleep
See it’s not going to be easy but eventually you would realize your happiness is what matters to you ! And peace of mind too and she no longer gives you that
I don’t have Truecaller self till date
He was my most dialed number 🤣
So I would open my TC app and be looking at his activities 🙆🏻♀ see when he’s on a call or not
Eventually I realized I was flogging myself for nothing over someone I gave the gift of feeling special! So I took back my power .
It wasn’t an easy process but my dear after all is said here! Deep down in your heart this is “Love” the heart wants what it wants and it always knows what it wants ! Them no Dey talk put for “bf and gf matter else dem go use u settle “ am certain you know deep down what you wanna do!
He who wears the shoe knows where it pinches and yes you love her, she’s special blah blah ! You made her all that ! Cause you put her on that pedestal, made her stand out from all the other girls so my dear take back your power you bestowed on her ! Nobody has the right to hurt you ! We all make mistakes ! If she can’t forgive you and let it all go then you should ask yourself if that’s the kind of person you would wanna be with long term!
Yes I am an unforgiving person too! But when you really love you would learn to let go cos even the Bible tells you the qualities of love ! In 1st Cor 13… when you replace all the “Love is with her name” and it doesn’t seem anything like her personality then my brother take ya stand.
You even begged her 🤣
Been in a position when they didn’t beg me .
Instead made it look like am the one with the issues! I was in your same situation ! Fixing my exs phone for him and saw all his raunchy messages and all with a supposed ex of his ! I didn’t pry cos I had his password and I had to check all his apps while the phone was being fixed, nigga told me that was the reason I wanted to help him fix his phone cause I wanted to see what he was up to! Instead of him to apologize for betraying my trust and cheating he turned tables on me
So yes oh you did wrong, you could have done better! But still you accepted your fault and apologized !
Life doesn’t have to be that difficult oh
She either accepts apology and come back, accept and not do again or just go! Not be an agent of distraction at a point where you should be channeling all the energy in you to building and hustling .
You should decide fast ! Time waits for nobody … Soldier come! soldier go!!
I am only just healing myself !
And day after day! I bless God for the strength to move on and the few people around me that knew what I was battling !
I went off social media totally even ! Turned off my phones just to avoid his thought but you see i had to ask myself “shebi he’s living his best life and Iam here doing what”
I simply did what David did in the Bible when he was told his son was going to die ! And upon the child’s death stopped mourning !
Summary is if you eventually choose to break up with her and move on it won’t be easy! Some days you would think you have moved on and other days you can’t seem to get past her and the thoughts like even drinking water would remind u of her 🤣 but my dear hurt your hurt and get better!
If a relationship didn’t bring u what you wanted ! Then it wasn’t a waste cos it taught you what you don’t want for a next time.
You know the funny part? When you hv now healed they come back to reach out and say “Hi stranger “
Stranger kee u dia 🤣
They have been pushing me to pick up writing full time !
But this busybody me hasn’t gotten to it !
They say I write good, give good advice and are good at matchmaking 🤣
But when it comes to my turn I be Mumu 🙆🏻♀
It’s true now !
We are good judges for others and a better lawyer (play defense) when it comes to us !
See I saw all my exs sign…. they told me “break up with him first “ but no o !
I stayed and all …. cos me falling in love after years of avoiding it ! I fell and hit my head 🤣.
I can bet my tiny legs that she would be the first person to open your status when you post in a matter of days !
Or she goes private to be viewing !!!
And you too don’t be posting cause of her 🙂
You won’t heal by doing that either
Heartbreak Issa bastard sha
They said I was suicidal even
If my phones didn’t go through over night ! My friends are running up and down ! Calling my mum to just greet her In case something happened or running down to my house to see me
It’s not heartbreak that hurts in the real sense ! Cause your heart is still in one piece !
It’s the made up “perfections and illusions of forever “ that suddenly didn’t come to reality that hurts.
The thoughts of how much time you devoted ! All you did together or you could have done but didn’t do cos you was with the person !
There’s a school of thought that believes that the best way to get over one person is to get under another person or to date and rebound !
Truth is that is a horrible way to heal cause in reality you never would as you would end up damaging another person and becoming worse off at the end of the day.
Till Next week…………….