A loud knock on my door startles me, shaking me from my thoughts and worry. Figuring it was probably Stella, I stand from my bed and let her in.

‘What’s up? You sounded like there was probably trouble.’ She wants to know as she sashays into the room and sits on the bed. I lock the door and join her on the bed.

‘E be like say I carry belle o.’ I tell her, in a stage whisper. She says nothing but the look she is giving me tells me she’s waiting for me to get serious.

‘I am serious!’ I say. Her jaw drops when she realizes that I am serious.

‘Bu.. but, how?’ She stammers, looking perplexed.

‘I am two weeks late.’ I say.

‘I thought you said you didn’t have sex with Charles.’ She says, the query evident in her voice.

‘I didn’t.’ I reply.

‘ Well, then, who did you have it with?’ She wants to know.

‘I didn’t have sex per se.’ I answer, rubbing the back of my neck with my right hand and wondering how on earth I got myself into this mess.

‘You didn’t have sex but you are pregnant. Okay, now, I am confused.’ She looks at me like I am not making sense.

I take a deep breath through my nose and breathe out through my mouth, then I begin to explain to her.

Charles had visited a couple of weeks ago. Though, when he had called and said he would be visiting and staying for a couple of days, I had been hesitant. I am the sort of girl that likes long distance relationships, because I feel the less you see each other, the less the temptation. After all, you can’t be too careful, you know. After giving it some thought, I decided to let him visit. He was a good Christian, we had both agreed no sex plus I didn’t have a convincing argument against him visiting and sleeping over. 

He stayed over for three days and it was strictly platonic, just us hanging out, talking, until the last night. He had finished packing his things. He was going to be travelling back to Benin, early the next morning.

I drifted off to sleep, with my head on his chest, all cuddled up in his arms, dreading the coming of the next day. I was going to miss him.

I woke up to this pleasant sensation coarsing through my body. By the time, my mind caught on to the fact that my night gown had been pulled above my breasts and Charles had his hand all over me, my body was far gone. He had his hands in no go areas. I was about to push him away. Well, I think, I was. Just as my hand landed on his shoulder to push him away from me, his mouth latched onto my left nipple. I could swear my eyes rolled back into my sockets. I was probably not pushing him away at this point or may be I was.

I think I was saying no, telling him to stop or maybe I had just been chanting it in my mind. My body was definitely yelling, ‘Yes!’. While I was saying no, stop or thinking those words, my body was straining up and saying, ‘Don’t stop whatever it is you are doing.’

I was making little “meowing” sounds that would have shamed me if I had enough presence of mind to feel shame.

I felt him go for my pant. I grabbed it and tried to prevent him from dragging it down. I was in conflict with myself. While I was trying to prevent him from pulling down my underwear, I was still straining against his mouth.

‘Don’t worry. I won’t do anything.’ I thought I heard him whisper. I couldn’t be sure though. I was half asleep and half out of my mind.

‘You are already doing something.’ I said. Maybe, I just thought it.

He stopped trying to pull the pants. His hand went to the nipple he had just had his mouth on and his mouth went to the other one. By the time he finally pulled my pants down I had no struggle. I can’t recall noticing when he pulled his boxer briefs down. I just know a myraid of sensation hit me as he glided himself across my nether lips again and again.

It wasn’t even over by the time the guilt hit. Good Lord, what had I done?

He was having these little jerks and spasms above me when it hit me what had just happened, and what could have happened if he had been the sort of guy to take advantage.

‘Abeg, e don do. I get the gist of the matter. No need for all these details.’ Stella cuts off my long winded explanation.

‘But you didn’t have sexual intercourse. So, there’s no way you are pregnant.’ She adds. I reach for my phone and show her the information I had gotten from the internet. I had saved the page. It takes her a few minutes to go through the article.

Her surprise is evident when she looks up.

‘Seriously, people get pregnant like that?’ She asks rhetorically. I nod anyway, biting my lip and trying not to cry.

‘Na wa o. Your bad luck strong o. I mean, I have done this multiple time when I and Godson don’t have a condom handy and I have never missed my period. You do it once and you’re in trouble.’ She says. Godson is her current boyfriend. At this point, she’s making me feel worse than I already do.

‘You need to take a proper pregnancy test, just so you can be sure.’ She tells me. A fat tear rolls down my right cheek from my right eye.

‘But all the signs are there. You noticed it now, coupled with the fact that my period is two weeks late. It’s clear.’ I am fully sobbing, now. Stella looks like she just might burst into tears too. The sheen of tears is evident in her eyes, her round nose is twitching and she was biting her lower lip.

‘What do you want to do, now?’ She asks, reaching in between two braids on her head to scratch her scalp. I cry harder.

‘I don’t want a child, now. I can’t have this baby.’ I tell her, my voice almost getting lost amidst sobs. 

‘I am not having a baby at this point in my life.’ I say, again. Stella’s slanty eyes go wide, as though with disbelief.


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